✘ About ✘ Favorites ✘ Shrines ✘ Links ✘ Notebook ✘ Blog ✘ Writing ✘ Sketchbook ✘ Gallery ✘ Photos ✘ Videos ✘

the chuddening
06-12-26

I'm chudding out bro

06-08-26 09:05 PM
06-08-26

a long overdue update: new job, new summer hours, what I've been reading lately, fanfic ideas, and site updates!!

AI blog question challenge
05-28-26

I've been using AI a lot more recently, and this questionnaire provided a good excuse to reflect on my changing habits and views surrounding the topic.

In Defense of FTM
05-26-26

On the sociocultural (in)solvency of female-to-male transsexuality.

the case of the missing penis
05-09-26

on bottom dysphoria, how its gotten worse as i've gotten older, potential solutions, etc

Butterfly in a Meat Grinder
04-29-26

A retrospective on art school, and a reflection on my return.

04-27-26 12:35 AM
04-27-26

on getting a new job (very cool), holding off on a new apartment (not cool), and some WIP shots of a digital collage that i've been slaving over.

04-23-26 01:48 AM
04-23-26

another late night brain dump

04-09-26 11:36 PM
04-09-26

a diary update, including: my wife visiting from the UK; my 28th birthday; applying for a new job; buying a Kobo Libra Color 2; quitting reddit; new japanese restaurant; etc.

Art School Reunion Tour
03-13-26

I recently visited my old professors to brainstorm my current body of work; I had a lot of thoughtful discussions and finally realized the conceptual basis for my figurative series.

Now Playing
♪ loading... ♪
latest played song on last.fm
My Site Button

Here's my site button! If you add it to your site e-mail me or drop a message in my guestbook and I'll add yours to my links page.

Hot-linking is encouraged, in case I change it in the future.

Tip Jar

If you enjoy my site and appreciate my art/writing, consider leaving a tip!

Engagement Farm
Web Clap by FC2

Should I get a mullet?
 
pollcode.com free polls

Flag Counter

Spiderland

My favorite album of all time.

the chuddening
06-12-26

I'm chudding out bro

06-08-26 09:05 PM
06-08-26

a long overdue update: new job, new summer hours, what I've been reading lately, fanfic ideas, and site updates!!

AI blog question challenge
05-28-26

I've been using AI a lot more recently, and this questionnaire provided a good excuse to reflect on my changing habits and views surrounding the topic.

the case of the missing penis
05-09-26

on bottom dysphoria, how its gotten worse as i've gotten older, potential solutions, etc

04-27-26 12:35 AM
04-27-26

on getting a new job (very cool), holding off on a new apartment (not cool), and some WIP shots of a digital collage that i've been slaving over.

04-23-26 01:48 AM
04-23-26

another late night brain dump

04-09-26 11:36 PM
04-09-26

a diary update, including: my wife visiting from the UK; my 28th birthday; applying for a new job; buying a Kobo Libra Color 2; quitting reddit; new japanese restaurant; etc.

art analysis #1
03-05-26

Notes on different artworks from the Bennett Collection, to help better conceptualize my own work.

03-01-26 01:20 AM
03-01-26

been awhile so i thought i'd write up a little diary entry!!

notes on the Benjamin SOS transsexuality scale
02-26-26

Some notes on the SOS scale from Harry Benjamin's The Transsexual Phenomenon, written in the midst of a reddit debate lol.

Welcome to my website!
Name: Xavier H.M.
Age: 28 years old
From: Illinois, USA
Favorite color: Yellow
Interests: Art, writing, reading, webdev, tech, music, video games, Buddhism, critical theory, politics
Email: xavier@xavierhm.com
Fluxer: xavierhm#3225
Discord: .eggsavior
Follow: RSS, Nekoweb
Mirrors:
Elsewhere:
Other sites:

Hello! My name is Xavier.

I'm an artist, writer, blogger, webdev, and all-around cool dude born and raised in the Midwest.

Here's a site map if you want help getting around. You can also jump down to view my most recent content.

Feel free to stick around and hang out!

(Content advisory: Although most of my site is safe-for-work and minor-friendly, some material is explicit and/or mature in nature; content warnings will be clearly visible where applicable.)

(Mobile users: This site is optimized for desktop but viewable on mobile; some content may be displayed out of order to fit vertical screens.)

I keep a personal blog where I explore different interests and hobbies, document my creative process, and ponder the nuances of transsexuality.

I also have a notebook where I keep a diary of my daily life, jot down random notes/lists/ideas, and shitpost my way through abstract thought.

I keep a sketchbook of sketches, studies, and works in progress, as well as a gallery of finished works categorized by medium and/or series.

I've also compiled a collection of my writing which includes essays, short stories, poetry, and fanfiction, as well as information on my original characters.

Any remaining webpages act a digital scrapbook about my life, interests, hobbies, creative projects, personal philosophy/politics, etc.

I'm always down to chat, too. You can hit me up via email or my guestbook. I am usually working on some sort of project, so replies may be slow!

This website is built using Astro and Bun and hosted on Nekoweb. Markdown is written in Obsidian; HTML, CSS, and Javascript are written in Sublime Text (with occasional help from Claude).

Everything runs in Linux Mint on a Thinkpad L13 Yoga Gen 2. The dev build is tested in Firefox at 1920x1080.

This site is under perpetual construction! See my changelog and to-do list below for more.

mintsublimetextastro
firefoxemailtrans flagtestosterone
Blog Post

In Defense of FTM
05-26-26

On the sociocultural (in)solvency of female-to-male transsexuality.

#2026 #autoethnography #critical-theory #data #ethnography #nonbinary #politics #research #trans #transgender #transsexuality

Sketch
Finished Artwork
Photo
Diary Entry

06-08-26 09:05 PM
06-08-26

a long overdue update: new job, new summer hours, what I've been reading lately, fanfic ideas, and site updates!!

Notes

the chuddening
06-12-26

I'm chudding out bro

Listening Corner

On Loop

Analphabetapolothology
by Cap'n Jazz

What's in My Car?

Barry White All-Time Greatest Hits
by Barry White

Recent Find

Simply the Best
by Tina Turner

Check out my Last.fm, favorites, and musiclog for more!

Changelog
(Use "Ctrl+Shift+R" if changes are not visible)
  • 05-20-26
    • Updated Listening Corner
    • Updated Now section
    • Cleaned up sitemap
    • Added two new cliques:
      • South Park pixel clique
      • Midwest Emo text clique

  • 05-29-26

    • Built out my cliques page and made three new cliques:
      • Mantra
      • My Little Pony G3
      • Star Wars Sequel Trilogy

  • 05-28-26

  • 05-26-26

    • New blog post — I worked on this for weeks please read it!! lol
    • Some styling changes to blog post headers
    • Redid my blog index tag list
    • Added a link to my ko-fi on my index page
    • Reshuffled my index page and moved cliques, fanlistings, and webrings to their own pages

  • 05-09-26

    • index page tweaks
    • updated sitemap to include new pages and short descriptions of each page
    • new note in my notebook
    • more new links on my links page
    • index and notebook pages are now mobile friendly!! :)
    • removed the NSFW/UK filter on my site lol

  • 05-04-26

    • converted all the graphics on my about page to .webp; saved about ~70MB
    • new links/buttons on Links page

  • 05-01-26

    • updated Now section
    • moved fanlistings from my Favorites page to the Cliques section on my index

  • 04-30-26

    • new about me graphic
    • updated Listening Corner section
    • added a photo thumbnail to the Most Recent section

  • 04-29-26

  • 04-27-26

  • 04-23-26

  • 04-18-26

    • updated Now section
    • updated Listening Now section
    • added Rewild the Web to my webrings

  • 04-09-26

  • 03-29-26

    • Updated my age (I turned 28 recently!!)

  • 03-27-26

    • Replaced RSS 2 HTML with feeds that fetch data from my source files

  • 03-18-26

    • Split up site buttons on my links page into “my neighbors” and left remaining sites in “personal sites”
    • Fixed blog post tag pages

  • 03-16-26

    • Tweaks all over the site index page, including the Most Recent section, and changing the side bars to a darker color to help differentiate content
    • Switched from my janky setup to proper Astro content collections for my blog and notebook on the backend

  • 03-14-26

    • Overhauled blog index page; added “latest post” and “featured post” sections

  • 03-13-26

  • 03-05-26

  • 03-01-26

  • 02-26-26

    • New note in my notebook
    • New site buttons on my /links page

  • 02-25-26

    • New note in my notebook
    • Added site buttons to my /links page
    • Added a Bearblog pixel bear to my cliques section
    • Updated Listening Corner

  • 02-20-26

    • Finally updated my Newkoweb sitebox and postbox!

  • 02-16-26

    • New blog post

  • 02-15-26

    • Updated Now section
    • Updated buy list and purchases list in my notebook
    • Added a 2026 low buy year progress page in my notebook

  • 02-12-26

    • Added site buttons on /links page
    • Updated Latest Reads
    • Fixed notebook RSS feed to include notes as well as diary entries
    • Added Matrix link to index contact info (rest in piss Discord)

  • 02-10-26

    • Added new images to homepage
    • New note in notebook
    • Changed notebook layout so that descriptions show when hovering over each diary entry/note

  • 02-09-26

    • New diary entry
    • Updated Listening Corner
    • Updated Now section
    • Added a new “Latest Reads from Around the Web” section to my homepage; will list different articles, blog posts, etc that I’ve enjoyed recently

  • 02-05-26

    • New blog post

  • 02-04-26

    • Added new site buttons to /links
    • New clique
    • New diary entry

  • 01-29-26

    • Updated Listening Corner
    • Updated Now section
    • Added new cliques

  • 01-28-26

    • New diary entry
    • Added new cliques

  • 01-26-25

    • Updated Listening Corner

  • 01-25-26

    • Rearranged webrings
    • Added Fediring

  • 01-23-2025

    • Updated Links page
    • Moved Webrings to the center of my index; added cliques
    • Added Notebook RSS feed to index
    • Updated Listening Corner
    • Continued working on 3DS shrine

  • 01-15-26

    • Posted my 3DS shrine (unfinished!!)
    • Updated Listening Corner
    • Updated Now
    • Updated reading list and buy list in my notebook

  • 01-10-26

    • New notebook diary entry
    • Updated personal site button wall on my Links page
    • Updated Listening Corner

  • 01-01-26

    • Added 20 sketches to my 2025 sketchbook
    • Changed 2025 sketchbook directory image and background
    • Updated sketchbook RSS feed

  • 12-31-25

    • Updated Now section
    • Made a sitemap
    • Updated my About
    • Added Avatar and Avatar: Fire and Ash in the movies section of my Favorites
    • Set software section of my Favorites to open on default
    • Updated Listening Corner
    • Updated XXX links
    • Blocked my website in the UK ):

  • 12-24-25

    • Updated some things in my notebook
    • Updated listening section

  • 12-19-25

  • 12-16-25

  • 12-14-25

    • Added a “by year” section on blog index
    • New blog post
    • changed recent writing section on index to miscellaneous; added links

  • 12-11-25

    • New diary entry in my notebook

  • 12-09-25

    • Updated Listening Corner and Now
    • Updated notebook CSS styling
    • New note in my notebook

  • 12-07-25

    • Overhauled notebook, each entry has its own unique link now and should show up on Nekoweb’s RSS feed
    • New notebook diary entry

  • 12-03-2025

    • Updated Listening Corner and Now sections
    • Homepage tweaks

  • 11-25-25

    • updated Listening Corner and Now sections

  • 11-24-25

    • updated Listening Corner and Now sections
    • new XXX and Misc links

  • 11-23-25

    • added the journal ring widget to my webring section

  • 11-21-23

    • index page tweaks
    • finally built the “listening corner”!

  • 11-04-25

    • new diary entry (#10)

  • 10-29-25

    • new notebook diary entry (#9)

  • 10-22-25

    • /notebook tweaks

  • 10-21-25

    • New notebook note

  • 10-20-25

    • New notebook diary entry

  • 10-18-25

    • Reorganized webrings
    • New diary entry
    • New video added to /videos favorites

  • 10-15-25

    • Built /videos page
    • Added /writing and /photos filler pages
    • Made my diary public on my RSS feed
    • Added CD Ring and Radioring to webrings
    • Tweaked some stuff on my homepage

  • 10-01-25

    • Made feeds for my blog, sketchbook, and secret diary
    • Added feed links to intro on homepage
    • Added sketchbook and site feed to sidebar
    • Added link to rss feed on my diary

  • 09-30-25

    • Rebuilt RSS feed
    • Added /sketchbook items to RSS feed
    • Posted 2 new sketches
    • Updated Personal Sites on /links page

  • 09-27-25

    • Started a shrine for my wife, Jem
    • New diary entry

  • 09-23-25

    • New diary entry

  • 09-21-25

    • Updated “online now!” badge with an offline image
    • Rearranged homepage a little

  • 09-20-25

    • Updated diary page design
    • Posted 2 secret diary entries
    • Moved “recent” section on homepage up

  • 09-19-25

    • New secret diary entry
    • Updated about page stamps, buttons, and blinkies

  • 09-18-25

    • Posted a new sketch

  • 09-17-25

    • Added Web Mastery webring
    • Made a secret diary page hidden somewhere!
    • New secret diary entry

  • 09-15-25

    • Created 18+ subdomain at xxx.xavierhm.com
    • Built “most recent” section on homepage
    • Posted a new sketch
    • Added site and transmen.online buttons to my intro section
    • Tweaked blog page
    • Added “materials used” lists to sketchbook pages
    • Finally fixed 404 page lol

  • 09-12-25

    • Rebuilt Sketchbook and Gallery indexes
    • Updated 2024 and 2025 sketchbooks
    • Added “online now” badge to the intro section

  • 09-10-25

    • Finished “Bits and Bobs” section on my about page
    • Added clap and increment buttons to index page

  • 09-09-25

    • Added “Bits and Bobs” section to my about page

  • 09-07-25

    • New blog post (read here)
    • Added Veggie Ring webring
    • Added SSGRing webring

  • 09-05-25

    • Revamped homepage intro
    • Revamped about page
    • Added new personal sites and web links to Links page

  • 08/26-25

    • Tweaked some blog code
    • Added lightbox to Sketchbook pages
    • Updated webdev Links section

  • 08/24-25

    • New blog post

  • 08/23-25

    • Updated links page
    • Made my first blog post!

  • 08/22-25

    • Updated links page

  • 08/21-25

    • Made a lot of small adjustments all around the site and tweaked the backend
    • Updated my links page with lots more buttons, banners, etc
    • Finished building blog infrastructure

  • 08/20-25

    • Updated links page
    • Updated homepage buttons
    • Updated blog tag list

  • 08/19-25

    • Built blog index page, blog post layout, and blog tag pages (kill me)

  • 08/17-25

    • Rewrote entire website in Astro
    • Swapped out the 88x31 buttons on the homepage

  • 08/12-25

  • 07/20-25

    • Added characters & TV shows to My Favorites
    • Added Rock and Homebrew webrings
    • Added Spiderland to sidebar
    • Made a site button!!

  • 07/15-25

    • Made Sketchbook page
    • Simplified trans/faves page links
    • Reworked nav bar and sidebar links

  • 07/12-25

    • Created a Shrines page
    • Updated Links
    • Updated nav bar w/ future pages

  • 07/10-25

    • Created a Links page

  • 06/12-25

    • FINALLY cleaned up homepage code and semantic HTML!!! :D all tidy and organized now

  • 06/11-25

    • Finished designing Favorites page, added background image

  • 05/30-25

    • Created My Favorites page

  • 05/27-25

    • Updated About page

  • 05/23-25

    • Updated Explore page sitebox

  • 05/15-25

    • Updated homepage graphics & bio

  • 05/13-25

    • Added Spiderland in right sidebar

  • 05/09-25

    • Edited about/trans pages
    • Moved about graphic to homepage, replacing previous graphic

  • 05/08-25

    • Added “socials and contact” box to main body
    • Started trans about page
    • Added “coding” section to “Currently”

  • 05/05-25

    • Updated Other Websites
    • Added Friends to right sidebar

  • 05/03-25

    • Added “other websites” to sidebar

  • 05/02-25

    • Created changelog
    • Created to-do list
    • Changed guestbook from Atabook.org to guestbooks.meadow.cafe (same as Bearblog)
    • Added buttons on homepage
To-Do List
  • Make sketchbook/gallery pages mobile friendly
  • Clean up blog mobile formatting
  • Create medialog page
  • Create notebook tag pages
  • Add mini Buddhist altar on sidebar
  • Add drawbox to homepage
  • Make pages for old internet eras
  • Make more bg images
  • Finish trans page
  • Make photo album(s)
  • Make writing page(s):
    • Manifestos (maybe??)
    • Essays
    • Poetry
    • Original fiction
  • Make gallery page(s):
    • 2025
    • 2024
    • 2019 and before
  • Add more Sketchbook pages:
    • 2026
    • 2025
    • 2023
    • 2020 and before
  • Make shrines
  • Fix blog tag pages
  • Fix rss files to work with content collections instead of glob
  • Make a sitemap
  • Fix notebook RSS links and add slugs to entries’ postmatter
  • Make “videos” page (basically a mock OG YouTube channel profile for speed paints, tech stuff, etc)
  • Add latest art/writing section
  • Finish main about page
  • Jazz up intro box on homepage
  • Build blog page(s)
  • Rewrite entire website in Astro ;_;
  • Add characters to faves
  • Add TV shows to faves
  • Make page for my wife
  • Make shrine page
  • Make sketchbook page
  • Make 88x31 button
  • Simplify page links
  • Make links page
Guestbook
Back to top © Xavier H.M. 2025-2026 ✘ CC BY-NC-ND 4.0
Built with Astro and bun ✘ Hosted on Nekoweb
Home | About | Favorites | Shrines | Links | Notebook | Blog | Sketchbook | Gallery | Writing | Photos | Videos | Sitemap
Other Pages
Statistics

Listening to: Analphabetapolothology by Cap’n Jazz

Reading: Slumrat Rising by Warby Picus

Playing: The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time 3D

Watching: XLOV comeback performances

Writing: Fanfiction

Coding: N/A

Studying: From the Inside Out: Radical Gender Transformation, FTM and Beyond edited by Morty Diamond

Creating: Digital collages

Currently...
Status:
Feeling: The current mood of xavierhm at www.imood.com

Latest Piclog:

In Defense of FTM
05-26-26

On the sociocultural (in)solvency of female-to-male transsexuality.

Butterfly in a Meat Grinder
04-29-26

A retrospective on art school, and a reflection on my return.

Art School Reunion Tour
03-13-26

I recently visited my old professors to brainstorm my current body of work; I had a lot of thoughtful discussions and finally realized the conceptual basis for my figurative series.

Heated Rivalry S01E01: "Rookies"
02-16-26

Thoughts on Heated Rivalry S01E01; spoiler warnings for S01E01. (18+ only!)

My Low Buy Year (and Appreciation for What I Already Have)
02-05-26

A rough plan for my "low buy" year, the motivations behind it, and some appreciation for the things I already own.

The Fruits of Malice
12-14-25

My thoughts on Full Brutal by Kristopher Triana.

A Blog Post Just Because
09-07-25

A blog post I wrote for the hell of it, featuring: a small life update, what I've been working on around the site, some recent artwork, etc.

A Nice Day Off
08-24-25

Thrifting, library time, going to the woods, reading about Tara, etc. Includes some photography. 📸

My First Blog Post!
08-22-25

My "first" blog post; or at least, my first blog post here on my website.

Latest Reads from Around the Web

Articles, blog posts, etc from around the internet that I've recently enjoyed.

(Ordered by date accessed, not originally posted.)

so, about the end of Chainsaw Man...

by Taiga | 04-02-26

(Blog post)

Some thoughts from a fellow CSM fan on the final manga chapters and overall ending of the series.

This Is Not The Computer For You

by Sam Henri Gold | 03-12-26

(Blog post)

I'm not a Mac user, but I have been a computer user since before I knew what a computer really was. What starts off as a post about the Mac Neo becomes a retrospective on amateur computing as a kid, its limitations, and its limitless possibilities.

The world isn't ending

by Taidama | 02-19-26

(Blog post)

On doomerism, the end of the world, and how normality persists in the face of catastrophe.

File over app

by Steph Ango | 07-01-23

(Blog post)

A well-worded elucidation on the nature of digital artifacts and how to preserve them.

Hot Take on the Endangerment Repeal

by Dan Farber | 02-12-26

(Legal newsletter)

An interesting breakdown of the recent EPA decision under the Trump administration to rollback guidelines on greenhouse gasses. Turns down the temp on rhetoric I've seen elsewhere online; I'd like to find more legal newsletters like this.

Linux (Mint), the simple and long and short of it, switch?

by anon0 | 02-10-26

(Blog post)

I always love reading about people switching to Linux. Another win for Mint!

Upgrading my old ThinkPad T400’s Hardware and OS and seeing how Useful it still is in the Modern Day Part 1: Introduction and Using Modern Linux on a Laptop from 2008

by Pom | 12-06-25

(Blog post)

Revitalizing outdated hardware with Linux is always fun. Bonus points for running Linux Mint!

How We Lost Communication to Entertainment

by Ploum | 12-15-25

(Blog post)

About social media, and how digital interactions are now based on content instead of communication. Really made me change my views on social media.