My name is Xavier H.M. I'm 28 years old and I live in IL, USA.

I'm an artist, writer, blogger, novice webdev, mediocre photographer, and aspiring novelist—which is to say, I'm always working on something! I like keeping busy and staying creative.

I got an Associate's in Art degree in 2020. I currently work as a highschool janitor; my previous jobs were all in fast food.

I am a bisexual, FTM transsexual man. I am pre-op (top surgery) and I've been on testosterone for 5+ years. I've been living semi-stealth since 2021.

I identify as a female-to-male transsexual over transgender for a number of reasons. My beliefs surrounding trans discourse, politics, and philosophy fall more in line with transmedicalism than not.

I have another website for trans men at transmen.online.

I have a lovely partner, Jem, who lives in England. We've been in a long distance relationship since 2021, and got married in 2023!

I have two orange cats, a sister and brother named Marley and Charlie. They've been with me since I was 14 and I can't imagine life without them!

I am 100% sober and self-harm free after years of drinking, smoking pot and cigarettes, vaping, and struggling with depression/anxiety.

I've been vegan since 2023. I don't drink caffeine, either. The last "vice" I've yet to let go of is sugar, which I blame on my huge sweet tooth.

I love playing my 3DS; it's my favorite console ever. My PNID is 4394-2967-3390—feel free to add me!

I encountered complications from my transition at 4 years on T, which resulted in developing Interstitial Cystitis, a chronic pain/illness condition, as well as Pelvic Floor Dysfunction.

I am a practicing Mahayana Buddhist in the Japanese Pure Land school of Jodo-Shu. I have devotional practices with Amitabha Buddha and Tara.

My main hobbies are writing and making art; I've done both my whole life! (More on each down below.)

I started blogging in 2024, and I haven't stopped since.

I also keep a notebook full of diary entries, notes, etc.

I like to go for walks in nature as well as suburban and urban settings. I used to ride my bike a ton when I was younger and hope to get back into cycling regularly someday. Whenever I'm out and about I try to take rudimentary photographs with my digicam.

Since entering an international relationship, I've fallen in love with travel and rail transportation. Many of my favorite pictures (including the background of this page) were taken on the Lincoln Amtrak service through northern Illinois.

I've tried being more eco-conscious and sustainable the past few years, which set me down a path of DIY, minimalism, and low-waste living. I try keeping my personal possessions to a minimum whenever possible, and in 2025 I switched to a minimalist capsule wardrobe.

I like playing video games! Mostly Tetris (or rather its modern clone, Apotris), Pokemon (the DS mainline games and assorted rom hacks), RPGs, SRPGs, and farming sims. My favorite console is the Nintendo New 3DS. Besides video games, I love solving crosswords and other word puzzles.

I am abnormally obsessed with bags, backpacks, and EDC gear. I have three EDC bags in my rotation depending on what I'm doing—a 3L sling (Jansport), a 22L backpack (Greenroom136 Northseeker), and an 8L cross-body bag (Greenroom136 Quickdraw).

You can look at my shrines to see more about my specific hyperfixations.

I don't watch much TV, and generally prefer animation over live-action. My favorite cartoons are South Park, Adventure Time, and Helluva Boss. My favorite shows are It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Trailer Park Boys, and What We Do In the Shadows.

My favorite movies are Scott Pilgrim vs the World, Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby, Napoleon Dynamite, and BASEketball.

My favorite movie franchise is Star Wars; the sequels are my favorite trilogy, in particular The Last Jedi and The Rise of Skywalker (my favorite character is Rey!). I'm also obsessed with James Cameron's Avatar series.

My favorite anime/manga are Neon Genesis Evangelion, Naruto, and Chainsaw Man. I'm also a big fan of the Young Avengers and The Invisibles comic series.

I'm an avid reader, mostly interested in non-fiction politics, history, and critical theory. My favorite fiction to read is modern/contemporary character-driven narratives. For the past couple years I've really gotten into reading extreme horror lit as well; ironically, I can't stand watching horror movies or playing horror games, though I do enjoy ancillary content like analyses and playthroughs.

My favorite novels are: The Catcher in the Rye by J.D. Salinger, Catch-22 by Joseph Heller, Invisible Monsters by Chuck Palahniuk, Gone to See the River Man by Kristopher Triana, and Exquisite Corpse by Poppy Z. Brite.

Some of my favorite non-fiction political/history/trans writers are: Francis Fukuyama, Paul Johnson, Aaron Devor, and Jay Prosser.

My favorite genre of music is Rock; specifically the Midwest Emo and Math Rock subgenres. I am also partial to indie music as a whole. My favorite band is Radiohead and my favorite album of all time is Spiderland by Slint.

My favorite video games include: Final Fantasy XIII, Skyrim, Stardew Valley, Animal Crossing: New Leaf, and The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time.

As far as characters and media franchises go, I am obsessed with Hello Kitty and Sanrio.

To see more, you can check out my favorites page.

I graduated from community college with an Associate's in Art in 2020. My artwork is mostly compromised of self-portraits, modern figurative art, and non-objective abstractions.

In recent years I've explored a digital workflow using Krita and my Thinkpad L13 Yoga/Huion Kamvas 13.

My traditional mediums of choice are ink pens and markers, soft pastels, acrylic, and mixed media collage.

No matter the medium or format, my style and choice of subject matter is generally consistent. My favorite subject is the human figure, abstracted through kinetics and spontaneity to represent different emotions and psychology.

Owing a great deal of my creative output to Jungian thought, I am especially curious about the male/female and conscious/subconscious dichotomies, often symbolizing one through the other, sometimes with subversive, sensual, and/or satirical twists.

As of fall 2025 I am back at school in studio practicum, doing an independent figure drawing study supervised by my previous professor.

My favorite art movements/periods are Abstract Expressionism, Neo-Expressionism, and American Modern Art.

My favorite artists include: Egon Schiele, Jackson Pollock, Robert Mapplethorpe, Cindy Sherman, Eric Fischl, Lucian Freud, and Keith Haring.

You can view my work on my sketchbook and gallery pages.

I've been writing my entire life, starting in fifth grade when I wrote a short story for a middle school competition. In high school I was a prolific poet and penned a chapbook in my senior year entitled Graduation; in college I took a course on creative writing, and wrote a collection of short stories, Looking for the Feeling.

I keep a personal blog which I really enjoy. Previously hosted on Bearblog, I've since built my own blogging infrastructure here on my website.

I also write essays and think pieces on politics, culture, philosophy, discourse, and critical theory as they pertain to trans people—specifically trans men and transsexuals. One day I hope to publish a book of essays on the subject.

I've been writing fanfiction for 10+ years. I started in the late 2000s on Fanfiction.net and Livejournal, then went on to witness the mass exodus to Archive of Our Own in the early 2010s. I won't disclose my existing fandoms, but I have plans to write public fanfiction for Star Wars, Adventure Time, and The Legend of Zelda among other fandoms.

In addition to fanfiction, I hope to continue developing my original fiction and write more short stories and eventually novels. I'm passionate about writing accurate representation of binary trans men and transsexuals, highlighting the diversity and nuance in our gender identities, presentations, and physical transitions.

My favorite stories to write are slice-of-life narratives focused on character work with elements of satire and whimsy set in Midwestern settings.

To borrow a phrase from my English wife, these are some "bits and bobs" that I use almost every day; I highly recommend each item, or variations thereof.

To see a more extensive account of my personal belongings and EDC, click here. (Link TBA)

Backpack

A custom-ordered 20L Northseeker from my favorite bag company, Greenroom136. This is my favorite backpack ever (and I've gone through quite a few).

I love everything about its design. It has three compartments, each with their own volume: the front vertical slash pocket, a half-zip compartment with an admin panel, and the clamshell main compartment. I use it for school, EDC, and travel.

Owala

This is a 24oz Freesip Owala in yellow. I ordered it from Target after I fell in love with my 40oz tumbler. I bring it with me everywhere—it's got the dings and scrapes to prove it! Staying hydrated is crucial to managing my IC symptoms.

(My wife has since inherited my previous tumbler.)

Mala Beads

I have two pairs of mala beads: a short wrist mala (left) with Om symbol beads, and a long mala (right) made of dark imitation bone (said to be a reminder of impermanence and death; it also looks quite pretty).

I use my wrist mala throughout the day. The long mala is reserved for chanting sessions and meditation. Both help me keep track of my nembutsu and Tara mantra recitations.

They were purchased online from the Tibetan Nun Project.

Notebook

I carry this pocket notebook with my everywhere and use it to jot down notes, ideas, thoughts, secrets, poems, reminders, shopping lists, etc. I keep a couple Polaroids of my wife in the inner pocket.

The sleeve is vegan leather, decorated in randomly acquired stickers. It holds Field Notes sized notebooks; I refuse to use anything but graph paper.

Pens and Highlighters

I always have my fountain pen with me, and try to bring highlighters as well when I can. (I am very particular about my note-taking system!)

The fountain pen is an Extra Fine Pilot Kakuno with Pilot Namiki ink cartridges. The highlighters are Stabilo Boss markers in Milky Yellow, Turquoise, and Medium Red.

Digital Camera

I bought this Sony PIXPRO FZ45 in 2024. People made fun of me, but it was a huge hit during summer vacation; I captured so many candid moments and memories!

Being able to just point and shoot without having to fiddle with my phone or tap through a lockscreen, recent apps, etc converted me back to the digicam life. The quality isn't that great and I have to finagle with the ISO and shutter speed, but that's all part of the charm and experience for me.

MP3 Player and Earbuds

I got this in an effort to use dedicated devices again. It's just a cheap $35 model off Amazon. The earbuds are JBL Endurance Run 2. Having a dedicated device just for music is awesome, and makes for a novel listening experience.

CDs and CD Player

I started collecting CDs in 2023 when I got my first car; I hate fiddling with Bluetooth and the radio, and playing CDs is so easy and convenient. As I started collecting more I realized how much I missed physical media, and owning music versus streaming it.

I don't buy as many CDs nowadays, but rather burn music onto blank ones. I only purchase CDs for albums I really love.

The CD player is a GPX PC332B in green.

Nintendo 3DS

A few years ago I started playing my original 3DS again. Later, my partner bought me this Japanese region New 3DS for my birthday, which I hacked and region switched. It made me fall back in love with handheld games and is now my favorite console of all time; I mostly play Animal Crossing, word puzzles, Tetris, and RPGs.

Assorted buttons, images, adoptables, quiz results, etc that I've collected while web surfing.

Original sources/creators are either embedded within the images or on my links page.

Any non-credited images were pulled from sites like Tumblr, Pinterest, Reddit, etc.

Buttons/Blinkies/Stamps

Image Board

Toybox & Adoptables