A Blog Post Just Because

Cutting the Fat

I was so excited to build this blog on my main site a few weeks ago, and celebrated with this post shortly thereafter…and I haven’t posted anything since.

That isn’t to say I haven’t been blogging. I’ve got about six hidden drafts languishing in my Astro directory. But it seems that whenever I sit down to write a quick post, it snowballs into an entire essay or retrospective or some other exhaustive ambition.

I’ve always been bad at cutting the fat. When I was in art school my professors would always tell me that I make too many decisions. This was back when I was really into non-objective painting. My style was very kinetic and heavy-handed. I’d pile on layers of paint until I got the outcome I was looking for. I never considered subtraction or simplification as possible solutions—I just kept making marks and throwing down colors; think of it as a process of suffocation rather than elimination.

In short, I wanted to do everything in every painting. And I think I’m trying to do everything in every blog post, too.

For example: I recently enrolled in a studio practicum program at my local community college. I had already graduated in 2020 with my Associate’s in Art, so I was accepted right away. I sort of took a hiatus from art after graduation and wanted to get back into it in a more formal setting. I’m working with my favorite professor, and I’m so glad to be back.

I’m already getting ahead of myself wanting to dive into going back to school and all of that, but I’m not going to, because I have self-control.¹

My professor actually talked with me about this sort of thing last week. She told me that I need to make rules for myself and have controlled elements in my art, and said that I just want “candybar, candybar, candybar” whenever I embark on a new project; she wasn’t wrong.

The point is, I haven’t made a simple blog post in awhile. So, this is that blog post.

Site Updates

I guess the most obvious starting point would be the website you are reading this blog post on.

What started as quick small fixes ended up snowballing into a larger overhaul, and in the end I just decided to keep working on stuff and push the updates all at once in bulk.

Index Page

I’ve been dissatisfied with my index page for some time now, especially the first section you saw when you entered my site. I knew I wanted some sort of explanation/introduction, but what I had was just a placeholder as I built other parts of my website.

I went in and consolidated some text from another, which felt redundant as a separate container. Then I added a new “profile picture” and redid the quick character stats-esque information. I also moved my Follow button and tweaked the sidebars a little bit, as well as the navigation links, so that everything is a bit more streamlined and cohesive.

Overall, I’m really pleased with the new look!

About Page

I also wanted to revamp my about page for the same reasons. It just felt clunky and not well thought out. I had thrown some stuff up when I first made my different pages months ago, and I haven’t really touched it since.

My goal was to make the visual design more cohesive, and the information more organized and easier to read. I’d say I accomplished my goals! I’m really happy with how it turned out, too.

I had a lot of fun making the little graphic of myself and building the buttons/badges below. I also decided to thrown in a fun “Web Goodies” section for buttons, stampes, quizzes, adoptables, images, pixels, you get the idea. I thought about making it into a whole separate page, but I preferred this implementation in the end.

I think I’ll add any extra information in different sections of the site. I like how this provides a basic overview of me and my interests but doesn’t go overboard.

I also finally added a custom background! I’m gonna keep making new backgrounds for individual pages as I update them.

Click here to see a “before” screenshot of the entire about page.

Click here to see an “after” screenshot of the entire about page.

What Next?

I had a lot of fun making these changes, and its got me back on a coding kick. Not sure what I’ll work on next.

I started going through my external hard drive and found a ton of old artwork. I think I’ll start filling up my sketchbook pages and finally make my gallery pages.² I’ve been long overdue a proper art portfolio, so I’ll be excited to finally catalogue all my art from the past…eight years?? Haha.

Some Recent Sketches

As I said, I’m back at art school—this time just for fun.

I don’t want to go into it right now, otherwise this post will derail and become a whole essay on art school and my art hiatus, etc. For now, here’s a couple sketches from class, using Posca markers. I’ve never tried them before, but I like them a lot!³

IC Flare

I have a chronic illness called Interstitial Cystitis. It’s a chronic pain condition that affects your bladder, urinary system, and leads to nerve pain. My symptom onset and diagnosis process is a whole other story, but it initially arose after rare complications from my transition.

I’ve been diagnosed for nearly three years now. I’m doing a lot better than I was when I first got sick. At one point I fell into the deepest depression I’ve experienced in my adult life thus far. I’m not in constant pain anymore, but I do suffer from flare ups still.⁴

I’m in a flare right now. Probably the longest flare I’ve had since I found treatment plans that worked for me. I’m not sure what all is contributing to it, but I can take a guess:

• I’m working about ~38 hours a week again, whereas the previous few months my hours were cut down to 30 per week
• I’ve been stressed about money, politics, moving to the UK, and life in general
• Due to my stress, I haven’t been taking as good care of myself, which has lead to more stress
• I’m back at school, attending figure drawing sessions twice a week; whilst this has been really fulfilling for me as an artist and I’ve enjoyed being busy, it’s put a strain on my body—sessions are three hours long, both followed by full closing shifts at work, which makes for a long, tiring day
• I’m living at my mom’s house again, and set up a small kitchenette in my room; IC is sensitive to your diet, and I’ve been eating a lot more processed and pre-packaged food than I used to

The longer this flare has gone on, I’ve started feeling nervous that I might be “stuck” again.

When I first got diagnosed I had a flare that lasted six months. Half a year of constant, debilitating pain brought my life to a screeching halt. I had intimacy issues during this time as well. My pain made it impossible to have sex, which affected my marriage on top of my own emotional issues and depression. I couldn’t eat much either—I only drank water and lived off of nothing but rice, lentils, and cheese for months; I ended up losing twenty pounds.

I’m nowhere near that bad right now. My meds and supplements help keep my pain at bay and reduce inflammation. I think it can all just be chalked up to stress and being physically rundown.

But three years ago I was fine one day, then woke up the following morning with a lifelong illness. It was literally traumatizing. Every time I flare now, part of me worries that I’m going to be stuck in pain for another six months straight.

I’ve decided I’m going to skip my first class this week. Depending on how I feel, I might skip my second class too. Hopefully it’ll let me have the rest I need to help my body recover. I’ve learned the hard way that there’s no “brute forcing” chronic illness. Whenever you try, you just end up prolonging your symptoms. There’s no out-pacing a flare.

Recent Music Find

Whilst writing my draft on my college days/stoner phase, I checked out a local indie radio station my friends and I used to listen to when we were younger. It was playing Fire for You by Cannons and I was hooked instantly.

I went and listened to their entire discography. My favorite album as of now is Heartbeat Highway. Their sound is very slick and glossy and retro—good music for driving around late at night.

That’s It

That’s it, I think. My plan for the next few days is to rest, catch up on the backlog of e-mails I need to reply to, and do some writing/coding.

Hope everyone’s doing well!

Take care. <3

Footnotes

#2025 #art #chronic-illness #mental-health #my-art #personal #sketches #studies #thoughts #traditional-art