A Nice Day Off

Freakin’ Fridays

I made my first blog post the other night. It’d been sitting in my drafts for a few days and I really wanted to just finally finish it, so I didn’t have time to talk about my day in general. But I had a really nice one!

My days off each week are Thursday and Friday. I usually take a lazy day Thursday and hang out with my wife on Discord.¹ Fridays are days where I do stuff and try to be productive.

The past few weeks I’ve had trouble sleeping or places to go. I haven’t been spending my Fridays the way I like, too busy playing catch up on either my sleep or my to-do lists.

This week was the first time where I had a Friday to myself and felt like going out, so I wanted to capitalize on it!

Nifty and Thrifty

My first stop was Goodwill. I have a dharma friend named Erik; we’ve been corresponding over e-mail for several years now. He helped me understand Pure Land Buddhism in a way that I couldn’t on my own, and introduced me to the teachings of Honen Shonen, who founded the school I am now a part of (Jodo-Shu). We also discuss certain Vajrayana practices and deities, with which we both feel affinities for in addition to Pure Land, Jodo-Shu, Honen, and Amida Buddha.

I had ordered some incense from Tibetan Nuns Project recently, along with a set of mala beads.² It’s different from the usual Japanese-style incense sold in stores in the West. The sticks are pure, compressed incense without any wood, so they don’t fit in standard incense holders.

So far I’ve been burning mine in my regular incense holder, propping up the sticks with a piece of tigers eye.³ Here’s a picture of my altar and incense, taken on my digicam:⁴

At some point I’ll post more pictures and describe each part of my altar in another post.

When I asked Erik what incense holder he uses, he said that he uses a pot of his grandmother’s filled with rice instead, so that it can hold any type of incense he wants.

I found that to be a super nifty solution and decided I would try to thrift an appropriate equivalent for my altar. I didn’t find anything that I liked, but I did score some sick-ass clothes.

Sick-ass Finds for My “Capsule Wardrobe”

I purged pretty much my entire wardrobe this year and built a minimalist “capsule” wardrobe. I’ll probably write a post about it one day; I found the whole experience super cathartic and lovely.

Excluding my work uniform, my current warm season wardrobe only has:

• 5 plain white t-shirts⁵
• 1 graphic tee I bought from a local tattoo artist at a vegan expo my wife and I attended last summer
• 1 pair of basketball shorts
• 1 pair of khaki shorts
• 1 pair of Teva Hurricane XLT2 sandals⁶
• 1 pair of Vans and 1 pair of hiking boots that I wear year-round
• 3 baseball caps I rotate between
  • 1 brown/black South Park hat from Walmart
  • 1 brown Carhartt hat from Bass Pro
  • 1 cream/green hat with a simple embroidered flower from Target (see below)

I LOVE it. But lately I’ve been wanting to add a little more color. Also, it’s starting to cool down, and having a thin top layer would be nice.

I considered buying some colored t-shirts but the idea rankled me. I love being able to just pop a shirt on and go. I don’t have to worry about what else I’m wearing or matching colors. So I was on the look out for a short-sleeved top I could wear over my t-shirts.

I also wanted to get a new flannel in preparation for fall/winter. I’ve outgrown a lot of my old ones in the past year,⁷ and my personal style has changed to earthy tones. Ideally I wanted one in brown, since a lot of my other stuff (hats, bags) have green in them.

Lucky for me, I found two tops that were literally EXACTLY what I was looking for: a short-sleeved green button up, and a cozy brown flannel! I also found a really nice rugged outdoors vest!

I had bought a Dickies vest from Walmart a couple years ago and really liked the look, but the material was too stiff to be comfortable. I resigned myself to just not wearing one, thinking that I was too short⁸ and my torso was too small to make it work. Then I found one yesterday that fit me perfectly and was super comfy!

Here’s some pics of me ✦✿♥✦ modeling ✦♥✿✦ everything (you should try hovering over them hehe):⁹

To Key(board), or Not to Key(board)

I also found a full-sized Dell keyboard for $3. I haven’t actually used a regular keyboard in years, and this one is high-profile with a numberpad and everything.

I haven’t used a regular keyboard because I haven’t owned a desktop PC since I was eleven, when my parents let me inherit our old family computer.¹⁰ Complete with Windows XP, I used it to browse DeviantART, read Fanfiction.net, watch Shugo Chara¹¹ on Crunchyroll, and write accompanying Amu/Ikuto fanfiction in Wordpad. (I also wrote Pokemon fanfiction; I was super into Soul Silver and Platinum at the time.)

After that PC died, I borrowed my mom’s laptop¹² whenever I could (and when I technically couldn’t). My parents got sick of me hogging it all the time and bought me my own laptop for Christmas after I begged for one.

Since then, I’ve only had laptops for personal use. I bought a Logitech K380 Bluetooth keyboard a few years ago when I tried using a tablet as a productivity device with Samsung DEX. That experiment didn’t last long (I’m too much of a nerd/power user), but I use it now with my Thinkpad every day whenever I’m home. It’s a great little keyboard, but I don’t think it counts as a proper keyboard considering it’s small and low-profile.

I’ve been window shopping mechanical keyboards for a couple months now. I’ve always wanted to try one out since I got back into PCs and tech. Considering the fact that I’m gonna be moving to a new country next year, though, it’s kind of silly to invest in stuff like that right now.

Still, I couldn’t shake the nagging feeling in my head, and I was dying to try out a full keyboard, even a cheap one. So when I saw this keyboard going for three bucks I snatched it up, and I’m really glad I did. Not because I like it, but because I don’t like it.

After the novelty of having “clicky” buttons again wore off, I found that I didn’t enjoy the experience. I’m sure it’s due to a mix of things. My current desk is really tiny and not very ergonomic. Typing on a super small, low-profile keyboard for years has probably changed my perspective too.

I just found the keyboard clunky and uncomfortable, and it’s made me second guess my impulses to jump into mechanical keyboards. Maybe if I can find some low-profile keycaps or something. I’ve got a lot of time to do research, at least. If anybody has any recs, feel free to shoot me an e-mail!

The moral of the story? More isn’t always better. But I guess it takes indulgent excess sometimes to realize that what you have is enough; maybe we only arrive at material contentment after fielding every other alternative.

Here’s a pic of the Dell keyboard, and then a picture of my Logitech K380 for comparison:

Lattes and Libraries

After Goodwill, I hit up a local cafe for an iced latte (always decaf with oat milk) (I’m vegan btw).¹³ I usually get hazelnut, but decided to switch it up and try toffee. It was alright, I guess; nothing beats hazelnut for me, so I’ll probably get it again next time.

Grabbing a coffee has become a nice ritual for myself.¹⁴ I always get one before going to the library, and I try to go to the library at least once a week. It’s my safe space. I find it so quiet and relaxing. I can lock in and write or code for hours. I do that at home, too, but it’s different in the library where I’m less prone to distractions. It feels more productive and purposeful.

I sat down and did a lot of coding for this website. I can’t remember what it was that day. Probably more Astro troubleshooting bullshit (I say endearingly)—most likely for this blog you’re reading now!

Once I got burnt out coding, I spent some time writing up my first blog post. After awhile I started feeling antsy and cooped up and just lost focus.

I realized that I’d just been shuttling myself between work and home for the past few weeks. Excluding excursions to Walmart and Krogers,¹⁵ I’ve either been holed up indoors sitting at my computer, or running around at work which is also indoors, at a shitty fast food joint.

I couldn’t remember the last time I’d been out to the woods. At least a couple months. July and August were super hot and rainy this year—not conducive to hiking through the woods. But the temps have been cooling down recently (we’re projected to get nighttime lows in the high 50s, even; so glad we’re out el nino and into la nina), so I decided it was worth it to get out and touch some grass.

The Forest

I stopped off at my place to dump my laptop etc, and switched out my backpack for my crossbody bag¹⁶ before heading off.

There’s a sprawling, protected wooded area outside of my town, which you can enter from various trailheads. I normally go to the trailhead on the edge of town. Preceded by a huge flat field, an opening in its tall treeline leads directly to a winding creek straddled by a level forest floor. The surrounding land slopes up into higher-elevated trails, but if you stick around the creek it makes for an easy and quick sojourn.

I first started going to this trail with one of my friends from high school, who was my roommate for about three years in my first apartment. We went in the autumn to go “creek stomping” as she called it; I bought tall rainboots from Walmart specifically for the occasion.

Since then, I’ve frequented the trail a lot. If you follow the creek you’ll find a sturdy lean-to made out of tree branches. I don’t know if it’s still up anymore. It had a small “hook” (really just a protrusion in a nearby tree) to hang stuff up on, and a tree trunk to act as a chair. I don’t know who made it, whether it was some outdoorsy people having fun, or if it acted as someone’s actual shelter from the elements. I’ve also found some cool animal bones before, including what appeared to be a femur bone as well as a small, broken-off portion of a deer antler.

I brought my digicam with me and took some pictures. I hate using Automatic mode; I put everything in Manual mode and adjust the ISO and shutter speed as I go along.

The pictures turned out a lot darker than they had appeared on my camera screen. Oh well! Part of the fun of using a digicam is figuring out its quirks and working around them. As an aspiring lomo photographer, I try not to get hung up on the little details.

I originally thought these pictures didn’t turn out that great, but after some editing to bring out colors and contrast I like them a lot more. Just goes to show the power of controlling different substrates within a photograph. It’s not too different from drawing or painting; just lights and darks and saturation.

Here are the photos¹⁷ I decided to keep and share:

Thoughts on Tara, Amidst the Trees

(Unsure whether I’ll keep up with this pun/alliteration title format moving forward. Knowing me, I probably will.)

After taking pictures, I found a tree root and sat down to read for a little while.

I’m currently reading a book given to me by my friend, Erik, entitled Tara: The Feminine Divine by Bokar Rinpoche, and I’m really enjoying it.

Tara is a deity found primarily within Tibetan Buddhism. She is a Buddha who takes on a bodhisattva-samboghakaya form.

A bodhisattva is a being who has a myriad of spiritual accomplishments under their belt, nearly up to the point of Englightentment itself, and thus can take a host of subtle (AKA non-physical) bodies and forms across various worlds and realms. They often act as attendants to different Buddhas. The closest equivalent in Western religion would be an “angel” I guess, but bodhisattvas aren’t made by anyone like angels are made by God. It’s just a result of practice. Maybe it would be more apt to think of them as, like, first-string players in professional sports lol.

The samboghakaya is one of three forms within the Trikaya, which is the three forms a Buddha can take. The dharmakaya is the dharma itself, as it permeates absolute reality; the samboghakaya is an “enjoyment” body that has special powers and abilities; the nirmanakaya is a “manifestation” body that takes on the form of an ordinary being, an example of which would be Shakyamuni Buddha, the Buddha who actually lived here on Earth in ancient India/Nepal.

I first got into Tara practice thanks to my favorite dharma teacher, Venerable Robina Courtin. After watching her videos on basic Mahayana teachings (I have this video on my links page, which I highly recommend), I explored more of her content and found a ton of meditations and teachings about Tara, with whom she has a devotional practice.

Tara is a deity of action, courage, and results. She is also known as a protector and liberator. One of the most interesting things about her was her vow to always reincarnate as a woman.

It’s said that before practicing the dharma she was a princess. Monks told her that she should aspire to be reborn as a male, as it is easier for men to practice (due to less discrimination, not being required to raise children and keep a household, etc). Tara made the observation that there aren’t as many women as men practicing the dharma, and vowed that she would always manifest in the female form.

The way I interpret this story is that Tara’s attachment¹⁸ to the female gender was an expression of her enlightened compassion. She knew that ordinary beings would continue to manifest and generate concepts such as gender identity and gender roles; and that as long as there existed a male/female gender binary, women would be in need of a deity and role model with whom they could relate to.

This dedication and sense of belonging to a certain gender against conventional wisdom certainly resonated with me as a trans man. I hope to do some research and try to find other instances of “gender dharma” as I like to call it.

I think Buddhism has a huge capacity for trans people, experiences, and stories; after all, the first trans man to undergo phalloplasty later went on to ordain as a novice Gelug¹⁹ monk. Although he initially struggled to find a monastery and teacher, he eventually found a sangha that accepted him as a man. To see more on his incredible story, you can read this article.

I could go into more, but that would require a whole separate post. I plan on writing about my Buddhist practice, and the devotional practices therein, sometime in the future. All you really need to know right now is that Tara is really nice and cool and a total badass! I’ve certainly found her practice to be energizing and fruitful.

In the spirit of Tara’s practice, I’ll close out this post with a beautiful rendition of her mantra by Ani Choying Drolma:

☙✦❤✦✿ om tare tuttare ture soha ✿✦❤✦❧

Footnotes

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