09-17-25 09:35 PM
feeling: exhausted

Had a long day today. Slept better than I have the past few nights, but I was still super slow getting up out of bed, which meant I was rushing to leave and get to class.

Anita (my professor) was really on me today. I intended on just doing some more studying/research and sketches. She just looked at me and could tell I was being a little dweeb. She said “you already have everything you need to succeed” and told me I just need to jump into it.

I was about to fight her lol. That, or have a panic attack. Instead I sat down and just started drawing shit.

It’s been so long since I’ve been in a creative space or mindset. I forgot how daunting it is to jump into the process. I was in fight-or-flight mode, like someone was trying to push me off a cliff.

We had the same live model as before, she’s probably the best figure model I’ve worked with before. I started with a sketch on newsprint because newsprint is low-key. It’s shitty quality so I’m not worried about looking good. I ended up liking the figure so I cut it out and put in on a piece of toned gray paper. I just used masking tape because I couldn’t be assed to find some glue lol. But that ended up looking really cool.

After that I kept screwing around back and forth between drawing and collage. Anita took me to the adjunct supply closet and we rooted around and found some really cool paper. I had no clue Strathmore makes blue paper. It all looks really nice together, especially with the white of the masking tape and the black of the ink/markers I’m using.

I got into the flow of it all which was surprising. I started out so mad, but while I worked I was able to kinda calm down and just accept the process. Whenever I got frustrated I’d just keep moving. I never let myself slow down enough to start wondering or worry, because that only makes me mad.

After class I had to run to work. Super short shift tonight, so nbd. Now I’m just chilling at home, decompressing after the long day.

Marley still isn’t eating much, but I tested it out and she gobbled up the last packet of tuna puree I had left. So I reckon she’s either being a drama queen over her regular food, or her teeth are bothering her. I’m gonna make their food a little wet tonight before I feed them fr.

Can’t think of much else to talk about rn, too tired. Zzzzz.