09-20-25 04:03 AM
feeling: Tired and wired

i just laid in bed for an HOUR and couldn’t sleep. i’m so exhausted though, and i’ve got a nasty headache, the kind that makes you feel sick.

being so wired is making me tense, and being tense is making me hyper-aware of my body, and that always makes me nervous that my chronic pain is gonna flare up, which…does exactly that. so now i’m in pain too ):

i’ve gotta close backline tomorrow at work to boot. sometimes it isn’t so bad, but on busy nights it really sucks, and saturdays are 50/50.

my eyeballs hurt. i’ve been staring at screens too much today. and yesterday. and the day before. i had two days off, plus a short shift wednesday, so really two days and a half. and what the fuck did i do with em? nothin but sit at my computer.

sigh. i know getting mad doesn’t help matters. but it’s just frustrating. i wish that if i couldn’t sleep, i’d at least have something cool to show for it.

i’ve been spending a lot of time on spacehey recently. i abandoned my acct months ago bc i didn’t understand how to navigate the site. the past few days i spent some time sorta getting the vibes and figuring out how to find ppl to follow and i’ve added like 20+ friends lol, it’s been a lot of fun. i’ve met some really cool folks. the old school vibe def attracts a certain user base. kinda reminds me of the fediverse except that had more stuck up techbros and leftists…spacehey is more mentally ill ppl and hikkomori teenagers lol, also a LOT of extreme horror lit fans which i wasn’t expecting, but that’s super exciting. plus i get to read really weird shit like this blog post about a girl who gets off on not showering for months. the “old web” is really back! i wouldn’t find this stuff on reddit lol.

ughh, it’s been two hours since i tried going to bed…one hour since i got out of bed…opened this text document 45 min ago. i’m really hurting now. i think it’s all just catching up to me: stress, burnout, my chronic illness, etc.

should probably sign off. just took some painkillers, hope it’ll help with my pain. the past month i’ve had a lot more flare-ups—i’m considering asking my dr for another prescription of muscle relaxers, i think i need them tbh. i can’t keep raw dogging these flares and being in pain for hours unable to sleep. sigh. gonna watch youtube or something ig until i can manage to pass out.